Last week, everyone spent 56 seconds watching a truly delightful clip of cats reacting to humans who were using a cat-face photo filter. The six cats demonstrated wide-eyed surprise, straight-up disbelief, irrational aggression, and dramatic overreaction—basically the range of emotions that most of us feel when we spend the same amount of time watching cable news.
Anyway, what we’d like to see now is how those same cats would react to Taylor Swift’s second birthday cake, the one that looked like it had been topped with her three cats’ actual heads.
Swift spent the weekend celebrating her 30th birthday—and being celebrated—because she’s Taylor Fucking Swift. On Friday, she performed at the iHeartRadio Jingle Ball at Madison Square Garden, where the entire crowd sang “Happy Birthday,” a lot of A-Listers (Lizzo, Camila Cabello, Niall Horan) sent their pre-recorded video wishes, and she was presented with a gigantic three-tier cake that was decorated with pictures of her three cats, Benjamin Button, Meredith Grey, and Olivia Benson.
But after that, Swift had a second party with a second cake, and that one was honestly terrifying. “Fur real guys this was my cake,” she tweeted, posting a picture of the cake, which was decorated with red and white roses, and three unnervingly realistic cats.
Just… just look at it, and admit that it looks like someone went full Grimm’s villain and baked those cats into a cake. The cat at the front of the cake even has one extended paw, like it was frantically trying to dig itself out of its shallow, sugary grave. And the blue-eyed cat at the back left looks like it saw some things on its way into the afterlife.
“I love you but sometimes you scare me,” one person tweeted to Swift. Another just went with “Da fuck is that?”
According to MTV, Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Jack Antonoff, Gigi Hadid, and Jonathan Van Ness all attended Swift’s birthday party, and presumably one or more of them also had a slice of cat head.
“Honestly spending my 30th with the fans who have made my life what it is at jingle ball, then throwing the most aggressive holiday party known to womankind,” she captioned several group pictures from the party. “I just.. seriously feel so lucky for you all and will spend forever trying to find ways to say thank you.”
Swift will play Bombalurina in that cursed Cats movie, which opens on December 20. Based on the terrifying CGI in the trailer (which manages to make Idris Elba look like something you’d chase off the sidewalk with a broom) maybe those are the Cats that should’ve been baked into a dessert—and then promptly scraped into the trash.
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Anyway, happy birthday, Taylor!
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